Victimization
You feel like you are being harmed by people that have no intention of harming you.

Pride
Your perceived status in the world is based on how you compare to others.

Powerlessness
You can’t do this, you can’t do that, you can’t even try.

Giving Up
Because you messed up, you give up and stop trying.

Scarcity Mentality
There is never enough (fun, food, money, opportunities, etc.).

People Pleasing
You must please or impress others to maintain your value as a person or to keep from being devalued as a person.

Minimize/Catastrophize
You distort issues, events, choices, etc. to make them smaller/bigger than they really are.

Check My Understanding
Answer these questions to see what you remember from reading the text above.

1. Thinking errors are lapses in judgement fueled by __________. ANSWER
   x

   stress
2. Which thinking error involves believing you deserve something because of your perceived status in the world? __________ ANSWER
   x

   entitlement
3. In which thinking error does someone think there is never enough? __________ ANSWER
   x

   scarcity mentality

What Causes Thinking Errors?

As a child of God, you have been given agency, and with that agency, you choose how to respond to the world around you. Choosing to respond in a healthy way, however, can be challenging when you are faced with stress, uncertainty, or other difficult life circumstances. Nevertheless, in the end, you are the one that chooses the way that you respond to stress.

In the section below, you will see ten examples of people who responded to stress by committing a thinking error. First, try to identify which thinking error goes with each example. There may be more than one right answer. Then, think of the bad things that could happen as a result of each thinking error. Finally, consider how each person could have responded to the stress without committing a thinking error. Click "CHECK" for each one to compare your answer.

Julia feels rejected by a group of popular women at her work.

• Thinking error: Julia copes with her feelings of rejection by characterizing the popular women as shallow and unfeeling. “They aren’t good enough to be my friends anyway,” she reasons in her mind. CHECK
  x

  This is Pride. Even if the other women have been unkind, Julia doesn't need to do the same thing by judging them. Instead, Julia can feel confident in herself, knowing she is a child of God. she does not need to define herself based on how she compares to other people.
  
  

It is Friday night and João is tired from a long week of work.

• Thinking error: Upon arriving home, João sees his wife busily working on dinner, laundry, and caring for the children. “I could help, but I think I deserve a little rest,” he says to himself. CHECK
  x

  This is Entitlement. João has been working all day, but so has his wife. His entitlement could signal to his wife that he doesn't recognize her work. Instead, he can communicate with his wife and together they can decide how to give each other the rest they both need.
  
  

Sam comes home tired and worried about his job. His wife reminds him that he promised to take out the trash tonight.

• Thinking error: Sam, saying nothing to his wife, angrily grabs the trash bag and storms out of the house. CHECK
  x

  This is Victimization. Sam felt like his wife was unkindly adding to his job-related stress. She had no intention of harming him by asking him to take out the trash. Outbursts like Sam's can strain any relationship. Instead, Sam can find time to talk about his job-related stress with his wife in a calm way. He can allow her to support him.
  
  

Natasha has played all day long, putting off her homework until late at night. Now, she is afraid of working late into the night.

• Thinking error: “I can’t do this homework! It’s too hard!” Natasha reasons to herself. CHECK
  x

  This is Powerlessness. Natasha has the power to do her homework if she makes time for it. If she keeps doing this, she will not do well in her class. Instead, Natasha can set aside time to study. Even if she doesn't understand the coursework, she can dedicate time and energy to learning and seeking help.
  
  

Winston is upset when he receives a very low score on his first test of the semester.

• Thinking error: “Well, I guess I’m just not smart enough for this class,” Winston declares. He promptly lowers his expectations and devotes much less study time to the class. CHECK
  x

  This is Giving Up. If Winston continues to give up this easily, he will struggle to develop his talents and abilities. Instead, Winston can accept his low score and continue trying his best. He can reach out to others for help if he needs to.
  
  

Tanya has made a goal to not look at social media during class. One afternoon, she begins to feel disappointed that the teacher is not more entertaining. She feels trapped in the classroom with nothing to do.

• Thinking error: Tanya pulls out her smartphone and views a social media app for a few minutes. “It’s just a little bit,” she says to herself. CHECK
  x

  This is Justification. Tanya is making an excuse, and she will not meet her goal. This will also make justification easier the next time she is faced with boredom in the classroom. Instead, Tayna can find better ways to stay engaged in class so she is bored less often.
  
  

Li is afraid that if he stays home to do his homework tonight, he will miss what could be an awesome party.

• Thinking error: Li decides his homework can wait. “How often do parties like this come around anyway?” he reasons to himself. CHECK
  x

  This is Scarcity Mentality. Li will fall behind in his homework if he continues to use this thinking error. Instead, Li can plan ahead so he has enough time to socialize and complete his homework. As Li learns to prioritize, he will accomplish the things he knows are the most important.
  
  

When Melinda was young, a classmate constantly told her she was ugly and stupid. This was difficult for young Melinda to handle.

• Thinking error: From her childhood to today, Melinda has allowed the pain of this experience to remain inside of her, using it as a motivation to prove to the world that she is not ugly and stupid. As a result, she works hard to impress others. CHECK
  x

  This is People Pleasing. Melinda may become exhausted if she continues to base her value on how others think of her. Instead, she can feel peace by knowing she has infinite value as a child of God.
  
  

Selso, Raúl’s boss, surprises Raúl by personally visiting him to deliver some minor feedback about his work on an ongoing project. Once he delivers the feedback to Raúl, Selso smiles, pats him on the back, gives him some encouragement, and leaves.

• Thinking error: Sensing that Selso’s feedback is more negative than positive, Raúl begins to worry that he is going to be fired. He searches his mind and recalls other such instances of feedback. “I must be a terrible worker,” Raúl thinks. CHECK
  x

  This is Minimize/Catastrophize. If Raúl continues doing this, he will fall into a pattern of self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, because Raúl is convinced that his boss hates him, he predicts that his next meeting with Selso will confirm it. It may not matter what Selso does or says next because Raúl’s thinking error will interpret it as confirmation of his prediction. Thus, Raúl's prophecy will be fulfilled. Instead, Raúl can learn to see things as they really are. He can build his understanding on the truth, which is a stable foundation.
  
  

Raquel works the night shift at a restaurant. Her boss expects her to accept customers until 10:00 p.m., no exceptions. It is 9:45 p.m., the restaurant is empty, and Raquel is afraid that if a customer comes in, she won’t be able to leave until well after 10:00 p.m.

• Thinking error: Raquel tells herself that if nobody is in the restaurant at 9:45 p.m., it’s in a “closed state” anyway. She closes the restaurant at 9:45 p.m. and goes home. CHECK
  x

  This is Deceit. The more Raquel uses this thinking error, the more she will convince herself that her lies are not lies. People will eventually stop trusting Raquel. Instead, she can learn to live her life more fully in line with the truth. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable, even scary, but it is always better to acknowledge it. The more she lives by the truth, the better her life will be.
  
  

How Primary Emotions Relate to Thinking Errors

The stress that can lead you to choose a thinking error is based in what are called primary emotions. Primary emotions are generally instinctive responses. You are disappointed that your paycheck is smaller than you anticipated. You feel hurt when someone calls you a name. You feel fear when you are invited to give a speech. When you experience these emotions, what happens next is up to you. Notice in the list below that there are two routes listed for each primary emotion. Generally speaking, negative responses are the products of thinking errors.

• Fear

  • - Worry
  • + Courage

• Shame

  • - Embarrassment
  • + Confidence

• Hurt

  • - Self Pity
  • + Fortitude

• Disappointment

  • - Anger
  • + Optimism

• Joy

  • - Complacency
  • + Love

Note: Grief can sometimes be mistaken as victimization or powerlessness. It is not a thinking error but a normal human response when experiencing a loss. To understand more about grief you can read the manual to the self-reliance services course called Emotional Resilience for Self-Reliance (see link to the manual at the bottom of this page).

Conditions For Thinking Errors

There are certain conditions when you may be more likely to commit a thinking error. Some of these are listed below. Identifying these conditions in your day-to-day life is a critical step in preventing thinking errors. If you find yourself experiencing two or more of these conditions, immediately address them before they become a place for thinking errors to grow. Below each condition is a possible antidote.

Bored

You find what you are doing, reading, watching, listening to, etc., to be dull and uninteresting. This can happen often if your feel like you need to be constantly entertained.

• Look for ways to make what you are doing meaningful to your life.

Lonely

You feel that you have no companionship.

• Serve others without committing the People Pleasing thinking error. Be the kind of companion you would like to have.

Angry

You are responding to a negative primary emotion or stress through aggression.

• Choose a more constructive response. Your goal is to work for a solution, not to admire the problem.

Hungry

Your body is telling you that you need food. Physical hunger is a powerful force to cope with mentally.

• Take care of your body. Eat.

Stressed

You are worrying about something in your life such that your body feels tension and your mind is weighed down with concern.

• Take deep breaths. Tell yourself what you can reasonable do today and leave the rest for later. Pray for help and follow the Holy Ghost.

Tired

You need to rest or sleep. Physical exhaustion is a powerful force to cope with mentally.

• Take care of your body. Get enough sleep each night. Rest if you need to.

Check My Understanding

Answer these questions to see what you remember from reading the text above.

1. If you have __________ or more of the conditions above, you are at risk for committing a thinking error. ANSWER
   x

   two
2. If you are angry, it is better to work for a solution, not __________. ANSWER
   x

   admire the problem

Seeking Help with Thinking Errors

Sometimes people need help to respond to the various stresses of their lives. They find this help in the form of family members, trusted friends, Church leaders, or professional mental health providers.

Choosing to get help is not giving up agency. It is an expression of agency, especially as the person strengthens their ability to take ownership of their choices once they have obtained help. In the end, all of God’s children depend on the Savior for his atonement for help, healing, and to put off the natural man or woman (Mosiah 3:19).

Thinking errors are an influence of the natural man, as explained by King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon. When you choose a more healthy response, you are putting off the natural man.

Look Up and Remember

Please read the excerpt below from the talk "Look Up and Remember." It is from a talk given by Brother Greg Hazard at a BYU-Idaho devotional on June 27, 2017. Identify the initial stress and then the thinking errors the young Brother Hazard had when he finally looked up and realized he was lost.

I grew up in California about 30 miles from the beach. One of my first memories of the beach is when I was four or five years old. After spreading out our towels, setting up the picnic, and establishing base camp, I promised my parents that I would be careful as I ran down to the water to play. I played the "don't get caught by the wave" game. This is where you get as close to the water as possible; then, when a wave comes in, you run away to avoid getting wet. Then, as the water retreats back into the ocean, you follow it as closely as possible without getting wet. Then the next wave comes in, and you do the same thing. Up and down, down and up. Over and over again. Some other kids joined in the fun, and at one point one of them threw a ball into the water. We focused on it as it went up and back with the waves. I was enjoying myself and having lots of fun. I played for a long time before getting tired and noticing that my friends had all disappeared, so I decided to take a break.

I ran up to where my family was, but the towels, the picnic, and my family were gone. I ran through all the many people, looking for my family, but they were nowhere to be seen. I was confused.

Then I started to cry. I cried as I walked and ran aimlessly through the crowd in random directions.

A kind lady, a stranger, lifted me into her arms and began to comfort me. I, being an astute child, recognized that she was a stranger, and so I cried louder. But she was kind and gentle. She said not to worry and that we would find my parents, and then she started to walk up the beach in the wrong direction.

It was a fact that I was lost, but I knew she was even more lost. I kicked her and tried to get away, but she held me tight and continued to walk and talk softly for several minutes. Then, suddenly, I saw my dad walking quickly towards us.

The hand off was made, and my rescuer disappeared. I started to think, "Wow, she was really nice," and I wondered how she knew which way to walk. I was glad I hadn't succeeded in kicking her away. My dad took me back to our towels and family, and I was saved.

At the time, I felt it very important that I not be responsible for getting lost. I blamed my parents for not watching me close enough; I blamed my new friends for leaving me; I blamed the ball that kept me hyper occupied; I blamed the crowds on the beach; in the end, I blamed the whole beach. I didn't know the word at the time, but I made myself into a victim.

My dad taught me, however, that it was my responsibility to look up often to make sure I knew where our towels and family were. He promised that if I did that, I would not get lost again.

I played all the rest of the day, but I made sure to look up often and, as a result, never got lost again.

While studying geology in college, I learned that what I had experienced is called longshore drift. This is where waves hit the beach at an angle and wash up as far as they can go; then the water returns to the sea by the shortest possible route, which is straight downhill, not back along the same angle it came up in. The net effect of this continuous motion is to move the sand in a series of arcs along the beach face.

For example, it's estimated that one million cubic yards of sand per year are moved southward across the beach at Santa Monica, California (Charles C. Plummer, Physical Geology, Eighth Edition, 343).

I was like a piece of sand. By following the waves up at an angle, then straight down, over and over again, I had made my way down the beach quite a distance without even knowing it. I thought I was just going up and down in the same spot, but I wasn't. I was unintentionally drifting, and in that process I got lost. My family hadn't moved; I had. My family wasn't lost; I was. I hadn't intended to get lost, but I did.

Overcoming Thinking Errors

There is an old saying that goes, “You can’t wake a man who is pretending to be asleep.” When people refuse to acknowledge the reality of the world around them, they are like the man pretending to be asleep. When they stop committing a thinking error, they are essentially “waking up” to things as they really are. People can use their agency to face problems instead of running from them. The result can be significant progress in overcoming their challenges. The power of the Savior’s atonement is accessed when people become partners with the Savior. He enables them to move forward and learn along the way.

Actions for Overcoming Thinking Errors

You can use the following actions to overcome thinking errors.

• Stop. Realize you are committing a thinking error and do your best to stop it right now.
• Think. Trace the thinking error back to one or more sources. You may need to look a few hours, a few days, or even a few or many years back. Try to find the source or sources. Look for primary emotions and stressful circumstances. Are you experiencing any conditions for thinking errors? (Bored, Lonely, Angry, Hungry, Stressed, Tired) Which ones?
• Act. Immediately do something to change your physical and mental state to help you stop the thinking error. This means addressing the primary emotion, stressful circumstances, or conditions for thinking errors in a healthy way. Some people take deep breaths and give themselves positive affirmations like You can do this. Some may ask themselves a question like, What if it didn’t matter so much? Others sing a hymn to themselves, gaining strength from the music and lyrics. This is also a great time to say a prayer and ask for Heavenly Father’s assistance.
• Reflect. Reflect on your effort and evaluate how well you were able to stop the thinking error and respond to its source in a healthy way. What went well? Why? What didn’t go well? Why? What can you do the next time you are tempted to commit the thinking error? Reflecting and improving the next time is the key to turning this exercise from mere repetition to a steady upward climb. Involve Heavenly Father in your reflection as you pray and seek for specific guidance and power.

Pick a Thinking Error

For the rest of this semester, work on overcoming one of the thinking errors from the list. You will address this in W04 Application Activity: Basic Essay.

W04 Gathering Prep

What will you do this week, in preparation for the gathering, to exemplify the Learning Model principle of “Teach One Another?” Seek out an opportunity before the gathering this week to teach one person what a thinking error is. Make a connection with what you are learning to something specific happening in your life right now.

Ponder and Record
After reading this lesson, ponder the following questions. If desired, record your thoughts in a learning journal.

• If possible, watch the first five minutes of the video called Three Sisters (04:00 mins, "Three Sisters" Transcript). What thinking errors did you find? Which sister do you feel you currently identify most with?
• If possible, watch the video Discovering Truth. (04:50 mins, Discovering Truth Transcript). How do thinking errors keep us blind from the world as it really is?
• How can thinking errors lead to more thinking errors? This is sometimes called a downward spiral. How can a person get out of a downward spiral?
• Think back on a time you were angry. Can you trace the cause of that experience to a primary emotion (e.g., fear, shame, hurt, disappointment)? How could you have responded differently?
• In the story above, Brother Hazard lost his way and blamed everything but himself for getting lost. What thinking errors was he committing when he did that?